Funny Quotes

• Suffering Sucatash -- Sylvester the Cat
  
  
• Let's face it, buddy. I have a body that makes *men* wet! -- Cat, Red Dwarf
  
  
• Most people leave their bodies to medical science. I'm leaving mine to the Louvre, baby! -- Cat, Red Dwarf
  
  
• Smooth... with a capital SMOO! -- Cat, Red Dwarf
  
  
• What's wrong with your face? It's upside-down and inside out, that's what! Oowww! -- Cat, Red Dwarf
  
  
• He pushed me off a building, just when I was beginning to feel good about myself. -- Catwoman
  
  
• I'm a woman, and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch. Now so am I. -- Catwoman, Batman Returns
  
  
• I believe that one day everyone, everywhere will know the wonders of my nipples. -- Stimpson J. Cat
  
  
• You can't help that. We're all mad here. -- The Cheshire Cat
  
  
• You must be mad, said the Cheshire Cat, or you wouldn't have come here. -- Lewis Carroll
  
  
• "Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. -- Lewis Carroll

• A cat doesn't know what a remote control is.
  
  
• A cat loves you until it dies.
  
  
• You don't have to tell your cat you love it - it knows you do.
  
  
• A cat likes to be petted, anywhere, anytime.
  
  
• Cats don't expect breakfast in the morning.
  
  
• Cats don't ly, quibble, argue, pout.
  
  
• Everything you do is interesting.
  
  
• Cats need little space, a sunny spot in the window will do.
  
  
• Cats don't smoke, drink, do drugs.
  
  
• You don't have to tell a cat it's pretty.
  
  
• A cat doesn't care if you haven't shaved for two days.
  
  
• A cat doesn't want to borrow money from you.
  
  
• Cats love to scrap bills and taxforms.
  
  
• You don't need to buy your cat expensive presents on it's birthday.
  
  
• You don't need to buy your cats mother expensive presents on her birthday.
  

• A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
  
  
• And what are cat diapers called? PamPurrs?
  
  
• Blond Medical Dictionary Term: Cat Scan, n. - Search for kitty.
  
  
• A cat has paws at the end of its claws; a comma has pause at the end of its clause.
  
  
• Bird feeders also double as cat feeders.
  
  
• Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
  
  
• Chrysler killed the cat.
  
  
• Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails.
  
  
• Geek status symbol #104: Your three cats are named 'sed' 'grep' and 'awk'.
  
  
• He had never seen the Catskill Mountains, but had seen them kill mice.
  
  
• I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.
  
  
• If you throw a cat out the car window, is it kitty litter?
  
  
• Large mountain cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anyone.
  
  
• Macrobiotic cats eat brown mice.
  
  
• My other cat is a Jaguar.
  
  
• Palindrome: Was it a car or a cat I saw?
  
  
• Rigor Morris. The cat is dead.
  
  
• The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on...
  
  
• You're feline sleepwear. The cat's pajamas. -- Joann Boyd
  

• Never feed your cat anything that clashes with the carpet.
  
  
• "Would you like a beer, Mr. Peterson?" "No, I'd like a dead cat in a glass." -- Cheers
  
  
• Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall be deemed to be a cat. - Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
  
  
• Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
  
  
• Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will urinate on your computer.
  
  
• I thought I saw a pussycat... -- Tweety
  
  
• Faster, pussycat, kill, kill! -- Russ Meyer
  
  
• He wanted a pet, so he asked for an octopus, thinking it would be an eight-sided cat.
  
  
• Hit her with a squirtgun like you're trying to train a cat to stay off the sofa. -- Loveline
  
  
• I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.
  
  
• If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat, and dropped it from a height, on which side would it land?
  
  
• I think they're blaming the cat. -- the bunnies' theory about why Megan Coughlin now have a vacuum
  
  
• I want to be a lion. Everybody wants to pass as cats. -- Counting Crows
  
  
• I would love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and floss my cat.
  
  
• Never wear anything that panics the cat. -- PJ O'Rourke
  
  
• People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
  
  
• Subliminal kitty messages? "You are getting very sleepy" is not a command when said to a cat; it is an eternal truth. -- Ari Rapkin
  
  
• Sure, we just route the main sensor through Data's cat.
  
  
• THE PET PRINCIPLE: No matter which side of the door the cat or dog is on, it's the wrong side.
  
  
• There are many intelligent species in the universe. They all own cats.
  
  
• These aren't my thoughts, they're my cat walking on the keyboard.
  
  
• To a cat, "NO!" means "Not while I'm looking".
  
  
• Wake up and smell the cat food in your bank account. -- They Might Be Giants
  
  
• We're staying together for the sake of the cats. - Bumper sticker
  
  
• When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. -- Rodney Dangerfield
  
  
• Where the hell are the singing cats? -- Paul Newman to David Letterman
  
  
• Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
  
  
• Why must I feel like that? Why must I chase the cat? -- George Clinton
  
  
• You might be a redneck if your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.