Reasons to own a cat, instead of a dog
Cats purr. Dogs drool.
Cats rub your leg when they want affection, not when they're horny.
Cats use a litter box. Dogs use your leg.
In 1996, over 10,000 US deaths were attributed to a dog owner's choking on saliva during morning wake-up licks.
Cats always land on their feet. Dogs just won't let you throw them.
Cats let you kick them when you're stressed out.
Cats will wait until you've read your morning paper before tearing it to shreds.
Cats look cute sleeping on the t.v. Dogs just crash right in front of the screen.
Fewer cat owners suffer from 'Flappy Tail' lacerations than dog owners.
No one has ever had to "Beware of the Cat".
Cats bury their crap. Dogs dig up others'.
Cats have better things to do than stick their nose in your crotch.
Cats lay on the car in the heat. Dogs in heat lay the car.
Why do you think they call it, "Dog Breath?"
Garfield. Odie. Enough said.
Dog and Cat Diary
As seen in a dog's diary:
7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
As seen in a cat's diary:
Day 183 of my captivity... My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.