Short Cat Jokes

Q: How is cat food sold?
A: So much purr can.

Q: What is a cat's favourite dessert?
A: Mice pudding.

Q: How do you get milk from a cat?
A: Steal its saucer.

Q: What do you call someone who steals cats?
A: A purr-snatcher.

Q: What do you get if you cross a hungry cat and a canary?
A: A cat that isn't hungry any more.

Q: Why did the silly kid try to feed pennies to the cat?
A: Because his mother told him to put money in the kitty.

Q: What do you call a cat who does tricks?
A: A magic kit.

Q: What kind of work does a weak cat do?
A: Light mouse work.

Q: Why did the Mama cat put stamps on her kittens?
A: She wanted to mail a litter.

Q: Which state has a lot of dogs and cats?
A: Petsylvania.

Q: What kind of baths do cats like best?
A: Milk baths.

Q: What do you call a cat penny?
A: A purr cent.

Q: Which game did the cat want to play with the mouse?
A: Catch.

Q: How do you mail a cat?
A: Use fur-class mail.

Q: How do you make a cat dizzy?
A: Give it a tailspin.

Q: What do you get if you cross a fence post was a kitty?
A: A polecat.

Q: Why couldn't the cat go to the fancy party?
A: Her fur coat was at the cleaners.

Q: Why did the cats sell their homes?
A: The neighborhood had gone to the dogs.

Q: Where does a cat hang its wash?
A: On a feline.

Q: Which foods definitely don't mix?
A: A hot dog and Catsup.

Q: When does the weather go splash! splash! meow! woof?
A: When it's raining cats and dogs.

Q: Why did the dog and cat go toot! toot?
A: They were trumpets.

Q: Why did the cat like to go bowling?
A: He was an alley cat.

Q: What do alien cats like to have for breakfast?
A: A flying saucer of milk.

Q: What do submarine cats use to see underwater?
A: A purriscope.

Q: What do English cats drink in the afternoon?
A: Kit-tea.

Q: Why did Mrs. Cat go to the beauty parlor?
A: She wanted to get a purrmanent.

Q: What do you use to spell "cat?"
A: Kitty letters.

Q: Why did everyone like Tom Cat?
A: He was very purrsonable.

Q: How do you call a barber cat?
A: Yell..."Hair Kitty?"

Q: Why was the baby kitten so irritable?
A: It needed a cat nap.

Q: What kind of cat goes boom! boom?
A: A tom tom cat.

Q: Where did the lonely cat run an ad?
A: In the purrsonal column of the newspaper.

Q: What grows in a marsh and meows?
A: Cattails.

Q: Where did Abe Lincoln's kitten live?
A: In a cat-a-log cabin.

Q: Why was the kitten shivering?
A: It was catnippy out.

Q: Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
A: To a mewseum.

Q: Have your heard the joke about the cat on the roof?
A: Never mind. It's over your head!

Q: Why did the cat want to become a nurse?
A: She wanted to be a first-aid kit!

Q: What kind of cat had eight legs?
A: An octo-puss!

Q: What do people in England call little black cats?
A: Kittens!

Q: When is it unlucky to have a black cat cross your path?
A: When you're a mouse!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and a donkey?
A: A Mewl.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and a pair of galoshes?
A: Puss 'n' boots!

Q: What would you get if you corssed a dog and a cat?
A: An animal that chases itself!

Q: What do kittens like to put on their burgers?
A: Catsup!

Q: What's another name for a cat burglar?
A: A purr-snatcher!

Q: What kind of cats like to go bowling?
A: Alley cats!

Q: What broadway show do cats like?
A: The Sound of Mewsic!

Q: What song do cats adore?
A: "Felines...nothing left but felines..."

Q: What award can a dramatic feline hope to win?
A: An A-cat-emy Award!

Q: How do you spell mousetrap in three letters?
A: C-A-T!

Q: Which one of your pets should you scare on Halloween?
A: Scare-de-cat.

Q: What do you call what cats read to stay up-to-date?
A: The Daily Mews Purr-per.

Q: What do you call the place where cats look up library books?
A: The card cat-alog.

Q: What do you call a cat surrounded by a hundred mice?
A: Purr-fectly happy!

Q: What was the first cat to fly?
A: Kitty-hawk!

Q: What do you call a lemon-eating cat?
A: A Sour puss!

Q: How many cat have been elected President of the United States?
A1: Thomeows Jefferson.
A2: Grow-fer Cleveland.
A3: James Meowonroe.
A4: Hairy S. Truman.
A5: Jimmy Catter.
A6: Dwight D. Einsenmeower.
A7: James A. Garfield!

Q: Why is a cat in the Sahara like Christmas?
A: Becaues of its Sany Claws!

Q: If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left?
A: None! They were all copycats!

Q: When is a cat most likely to run out of the house?
A: When the door is open!

Q: What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other a pause at the end of the its clause!

Q: Did you ever see a catfish?
A: No! How did she hold the rod and reel?

Q: What do you call a chubby kitty?
A: A fat cat!

Q: What do you call a cat who works out?
A: A Fit kit!

Q: What do you call a threadbare cat?
A: A shabby tabby!

Q: What do you call an urban feline?
A: A city kitty!

Q: What do you call a cross between a cat and a skunk?
A: A mew pew!

Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed the ball of yarn?
A: She had mittens!

Q: Did you hear about the cat who swallowed the duck?
A: Shw became a duck-filled fatty-puss!

Q: Did you hear about the cat who ran up the big phone bill?
A: She called Persian-to-Persian!

Q: What do you get if you cross a kitten with a post?
A: A cat-er-pillar!

Q: What do you call a kitten fight?
A: A cat-astrophe!

Q: What are the last two hairs on a cat's tail called?
A: Cat hairs.

Q: What do you get if you cross a kitten and a little girl's harido?
A: A braidy-cat!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a kitten with a melon?
A: A cat-aloupe!

Q: What would you get if you corssed a kitten and a mackerel?
A: A catfish!

Q: What would you get if you crossed a cat and an octagon?
A: A octo-puss!

I gave my cat a bath today. He seemed to like it, but I wasn't too crazy about it. His fur sticks to my tongue.

He was such a bastard his cat was willing to settle for eight lives.

I just got some synthetic fur-balls for my ceramic cat.