- A cats worst enemy is a closed door.
- Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat. -- Robert Heinlein
- Isn't there always a cat napping on whatever you're reading?
- Moroccan Proverb: An old cat will not learn how to dance.
- A cat that jumps on a hot stove will never jump on a hot stove again. Neither will it jump on a cold stove. -- Michael Cameron
- We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore, either. -- Mark Twain
- A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. -- Ben Franklin
- A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. -- Mark Twain
- After dark all cats are leopards. -- Native American Proverb
- All I need to know I learned from my cat.
- Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
- Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function. -- Garrison Keillor
- Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know.
- Fear is a slinking cat I find beneath the lilacs of my mind. -- Sophie Tunnel
- How important is freshness in a dry cat food? To a cat, it's very important.
- If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence. -- Will Cuppy
- Never try to outstubborn a cat. - Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love
- Often the cats who need the most affection are the ones that are the most difficult to love and scratch you when you're trying to pet them.
- One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.
- Only my cat understands me.
- Rule of Feline Frustration: When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
- That project is a goat rodeo. It's like an exercise in herding cats.
- The idea of calm exists in a sitting cat. -- Jules Renard
- The world is a cat toy.
- To the cat, the experimenter is problematic.
- You can't look at a sleeping cat and be tense. -- Jane Pauley
Cats And Dogs
- Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow. -- Jeff Valdez
- You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
- Dogs come when called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
- I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles. -- Steven Wright
- Letting sleeping dogs lie, sleeping cats fry. - Me 90
- MEOW...SPLAT...RUFF...SPLAT...(Raining cats & dogs)
- The dog needs the high grass so he can hide from the neighborhood cats. -- Men's Health, on how to get out of mowing the lawn
- You burp, and guys think it's adorable. You puke, and they fight to hold your hair back. -- The Truth about Cats and Dogs
- Women and cats do as they dammed well please, and men and dogs had best learn to live with it.
People About Cats
- Actually, cats do this to protect you from gnomes who come and steal your breath while you sleep. -- John Dobbin
- Don't think that I'm silly for liking it, I just happen to like the simple little things, and I love cats! -- Michelle Gardner
- Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you're hungry, eat. When you're tired, nap in a sunbeam.
- When you go to the vet's, pee on your owner. -- Gary Smith
- Fans think they want to see more than the 10 to 20 seconds of Itchy and Scratchy that we put on the show, but my feeling is less is more. Once you've skinned and flayed a cat, ripped his head off, made him drink acid and tied his tongue to the moon, there really isn't that much to say. -- Matt Groening, 1993
- God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things. -- Pablo Picasso
- I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. -- Winston Churchill
- I'm aloof, I like to run around outside, but I also like to curl up in warm spots. I eat fish. -- Megan Coughlin on why she'd make a good cat
- The naming of cats is a difficult matter. It isn't just one of your holiday games. You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter. When I tell you a cat must have three different names... -- T.S. Eliot
- The sun rose slowly, like a fiery furball coughed up uneasily onto a sky-blue carpet by a giant unseen cat. -- Michael McGarel
- We need a word for all the kitty-prints that are all over my windshield because the cats like to lie on my hood when the car is still warm. -- Megan Coughlin
- When I play with my cat, how do I know that she is not passing time with me rather than I with her? -- Montaigne
- You can visualize a hundred cats. Beyond that, you can't. Two hundred, five hundred, it all looks the same. -- Jack Wright (of Kingston, Ontario, the Guinness Book record holder for the owner of the most cats at one time )
- You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. -- Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
- Aim for the cat, dude! Aim for a cat! -- Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey
- A cat will almost always blink when hit with a sledgehammer.
- Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards.
- Curiosity didn't kill the cat. I got 'im with the mower
- Dead cat brush - From 101 USES FOR A DEAD MICROPROCESSOR
- How did you manage to get so much custard out of such a small cat? -- Blackadder IV
- I always introduce my dates to my cat, Ralph. Then I mention that I neutered him myself.
- I drove to the preview of this film with all the hopeful anticipation of someone about to lick the inside of a cat's litter box. -- Mr. Cranky
- I love cats... they taste just like chicken.
- I'm just saying it's easier to kill a cat than dispose of a car. -- John Dobbin
- I'm not the slightest bit interested in smelling anything cats have to say, thanks very much. -- Rimmer, Red Dwarf
- Jack Neafsey's Know-When-to-Quit Law: The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
- Men say they like cats but when women aren't watching men kick cats.
- Natural High: petting a cat and listening to it purr. Natural Low: petting a cat and... (oh, never mind that's too gross).
- PS: stinks of cat around here! Pew! -- Robert Harley
- Style. Beauty. Grace. That's what matters. If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. -- Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies
- The damned cats like pushing the reset button on my computer. -- Adam Rifkin
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. And didja know that cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy?
- The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat -- Ogden Nash.
- There are many ways to skin a cat, and I'm not here to pull out the guts and make guitar strings. -- Alan Heirich
- There are more ways of killing a cat than choking it with cream.
- There's more than one way to skin a cat: Krazy Glue and a toothbrush.
- Took an hour to bury the cat. Damn thing kept moving.
- Ways to skin a cat #27: Use an electric belt sander.
- You look as happy as a man who thought a cat had done its business on his pie but then it turned out to be a really big blackberry. -- Blackadder III
- You'd really spend about a hundred dollars for fake testicles for your cat? I'm not sure I'd spend that for fake testicles for myself. -- John Dobbin
- Your cat's missing? Have you checked my bumper?